Above the Waterline

Happy valentines day, I think

2012-02-14T15:22:00.000-06:00

This is the card from Sam

If you look closely at the card, you can see why he carefully selected it for me..there's a pond, and ducks, and flowers.

He is sticking by his story that it was in the Valentine's section.

I guess this is why we were meant to be together

Because this gave us yet another great laugh and priceless moment in our marriage.

And I'm really not a big fan of Valentine's Day anyway.

Sunset Monday

2012-02-14T14:35:00.001-06:00

Untitled

2012-02-12T19:05:00.000-06:00

2 hours ago:
Me: Sam, can I use your computer? I want to do a blog post.

Sam: Sure * hands over the computer*

Me:

Sam: Does a sudoku

Me:

Sam: Goes out to watch the sunset

Me:

Sam: Eats an apple in the back bedroom so I don't have to listen to it (don't ask)

Me: I don't feel like doing a blog post, I'll do it tomorrow. It's getting late.

Sam: But we slept in til 8:45, went to a church and you took a 3 hour nap

Me:

Sam and I: Watching the Grammys without a clue who anyone is. Waiting for bedtime.

Life at the beach.

The view from here

2012-02-05T13:35:00.002-06:00

Car talk

2012-02-05T11:55:00.000-06:00

A few snippets of conversation from our 4-day road trip

Me: "If I die before you, and you find yourself in the position of dating again, don't do that."

Referring to Sam's use of his Reach Access flosser while driving.

Me: "A lesser woman would have clubbed you over the head."

With gas prices getting progressively higher as we approached the island and the problems with the gas gauge and low fuel warnings continuing, I convinced Sam to pull in and fill up.When he returned to the car and handed me the receipt, he said, "Look at that price.It's five cents more than the price on the sign. That price is only for cash or their own credit card. No way I'm going to get ripped off." I looked at the receipt and he had purchased .239 gallons of gas for a total of $1.06. .

We stopped for lunch at the Star Fish company. I had a glass of wine. And then another while we waited for our food. The place was packed and it was two o'clock in the afternoon. But worth the wait for the freshest shrimp in the area.

We then proceeded to the island and filled up with gas--for an additional eight cents per gallon. After the wine and the shrimp, I was too sleepy to be irked.

Wow

2012-01-31T13:25:00.002-06:00

Near Mount Pleasant Iowa

From the road

2012-01-31T13:12:00.001-06:00

I'm experimenting with my iPhone to see if I can Post to my blog

Mixed Missings

2012-01-30T07:14:00.001-06:00

Bags are packed and lined up in the bedroom. Refrigerator is almost empty. Floors are clean. Need to pack my spices and a few pantry items and spend a "few hours" at work. Every aspect of this years trip is surrounded with nostalgia and well, an almost surreal, sense of peaceful sadness.

Things are going to be different this year. But I think I'm ok...I miss Mom every day and have so many great memories of our time at the beach. But there are a few things I'm really going to miss:

First and foremost: The letters! Mom loved the mail and Kent made sure that Mom received many letters. Just in case you want to drop us a line, we are changing our address this year to General Delivery, Holmes Beach, FL 34218. I promise to say, "She writes such a good letter."

2. Having the dishwasher emptied and fresh, hot coffee every morning courtesy of Louise.
3. Doing the Word Warp
4. Taking Mom her coffee in bed and having her come to breakfast in her pink flowered "housecoat"
5. Loading the moms up for a trip to Whole Foods
6. Lemon meringue pie and Mom's "knots"
7. Sentences that begin with "I wonder"

There are a couple things that won't be missed (but probably will)
1. Explaining for the umpteenth time the need for sunscreen, "Yes, you can still get sunburned even if you're under an umbrella and it's cloudy"
2. Treating a bad case of sunburn
3. Sentences that begin with "I wonder"

We are looking forward to visits from family and friends. I will try to keep the blog updated. Sam and I will be walking, resting, exploring, remembering and making more great memories.

Countdown

2012-01-29T11:30:00.000-06:00

Two more days.
Shudder. Cringe. Sweat.
Breathe. Smile. Relax
Two more days until we leave for the beach. I have lots to do before then. And probably a few more crises await us.
At least we can check this little man off our "to do" list. I left a month's worth of kisses on his sweet little blond head

Winners and Losers

2012-01-16T21:04:00.001-06:00

I went to Mankato yesterday. First stop was Office Max for file folders, then to the mall for a chicken schwarma and a little clearance rack shopping. Sitting there in the food court, totally mesmerized with people watching, came the realization that I really don't get out much. Seriously, I could have sat there forever. Again, confirmation that I have an extremely low threshold for entertainment.

I ended up at Sam's Club where I needed to buy W2 forms.

Here is where the universe of the infrequent, inept shopper and a retail magnate collide. Some emerge triumphant, with only the items on a list in the cart along with a few sensible purchases of milk, bread, pretzel chips and lowfat spinach dip. And happen upon something that was new and totally delicious:

served with oven baked crunchy chicken thighs.

I should have known better, but I always check out the clothing selection. I bought a great sweater there. Once. A long time ago. Why, oh why, did I even give this a second glance???

I can't explain it, but all I saw at the moment was "essential" bra. Are all other bras optional or unnecessary? So now take a look at her boobs, or more like loaf-shaped area where boobs should be. That is pretty much the result of wearing this undergarment.
I know.
I bought a 3-pack.
Yes, I wore it today. A boob-loaf. Loud and proud, people.

I kept looking at them all day. It wasn't natural. I can go hours, days, heck probably weeks, without even looking at my boobs.
Today: Totally fixated. Couldn't take my eyes off them. Or it.

Guess I'll spare you the details of the 5-pack of underpants.

We have a

2012-01-15T19:58:00.000-06:00

new grandchild, Graham Samuel, born 1-2-12 to Lukas and Denise.

He is number 5!

I know

2012-01-15T19:28:00.000-06:00

You've been wondering. So here she is in her garage "pond"

Yes, our sweet Bea is doing well.

I have lots of pictures and more to share, but before something bad happens blogger-wise, I'm going to hit post.

Bytes

2011-12-04T09:16:00.000-06:00

Stringing complete sentences feels like way too much work. Let's call this experiment "Minimalist Avant Garde Blogging." Or something all bloggers do when they can't string complete sentences

A fun outing with Tootie, Joyce, Les & Jan and Todd @ Diamond Joes...poor photography courtesy of breakfast lady

Thanksgiving man-scaping

Ate the last garden tomatoes on December 2

Thanksgiving food coma--sorry Amber

Last year

This year

I wonder

2011-11-23T10:58:00.001-06:00

why it is that I cannot cook, bake or even clean for that matter without making a mess. Look at this:

I'm hopeless..

Just think how it would look if I were actually making Thanksgiving dinner. This is just from baking 4 sweet potatoes, cooking 2 bags of cranberries, making bean soup and homemade bread for tonight's dinner and having Harrison and Olivia this morning..
No, our dinner tomorrow will be courtesy of Jubas and Kent. For the past few years, Mom had treated all of us (mostly the people who had to clean up after me in the kitchen) to the catered meal prepared by Jubas. It is quite tasty and Kent's buying this year!
Harrison is napping now, Amber gets off at 1. In the time it took for the photo to load, I washed everything up and put the rest in the dishwasher.

And I think I hear Harrison waking up...

It's Not Easy To Be Easy

2011-10-23T19:25:00.001-05:00

It took

2 Towns, 3 Stores and 67 minutes

to make this

from this

And it was good, very good

Gratuitous duck standing on one foot photo because Bea is the cutest duck in the universe

Kindergarten Conversations

2011-10-21T15:08:00.000-05:00

Since Olivia has started school, her communication skills are really changing. She's always been a good conversationalist but is becoming more curious about almost everything. I love listening to her monologue from the back seat as she assumes many roles--complete with accents--that totally crack me up. She really could be her own sitcom.

This morning Amber dropped her off to spend the day with me. As I was getting ready, we had this conversation:

Olivia: Omee, where do you think Swiper (the sly fox character on the Dora cartoon series) lives?
Me: I don't know--he's just pretend,you know. He's a cartoon character.
Olivia: Do you think he lives in the forest? That's right. He lives in the forest.
Me: A pretend forest.
Olivia: Where do you think Dora lives?
Me: You know Dora's not real either, she's just pretend.
Olivia: **shocked expression** DORA'S NOT REAL???
Me: Well, it depends on what you mean by real.....

Fall Decorating

2011-10-11T18:36:00.000-05:00

is minimal this year...at least outdoors. After the wedding last year, there will be no cornstalks and only 4 pumpkins gracing the grounds this year. Inside I have quite a bit of fall stuff out. I've always thought our home is a "Fall Home" as the views are so beautiful from every window and deck.

The impatiens are still pretty so I'm not buying any mums. After last year, this could have a considerable impact on the local economy.

I fall in love

2011-10-10T21:45:00.000-05:00

with fall every year.

Especially when I buy my first bag of candy corn

You've got to

2011-10-06T20:42:00.045-05:00

Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive

E-lim-in-nate the negative

Latch on

to the Af-fur-ma-tive

And don't mess with Mister In-Between

Love in a Jar

2011-10-05T13:50:00.000-05:00

I canned tomato soup last night using my mom's recipe

with my own special ingredient:

A generous splash of profanity

Because getting it from here:

Into here

is a b**tch

It's a steamy, hot, messy, process, but really worth the effort.

Much like a lot of other good things.

Caption courtesy of Zac

2011-10-04T10:08:00.000-05:00

"Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face!"

(Name that movie)

We celebrated GG Patten's birthday a week late and Olivia picked out a school bus cake. Upon closer inspection, the entire cake (from Fareway) was made up of cupcakes complete with black frosting on the "tires"

Addie and the boys spent a few days with us--so will include a bonus photo today of Addie and Leo Alvin\

One-A- Day October

2011-10-03T21:43:00.001-05:00

In an effort to catch up, make up and shape up, I hereby make the following declaration:
For the month of October, I will post a photo each day. No promises for captions or explanations, just a photo.

"Umm, Maddie, you do realize you are eating 'game bird formula' and not dog kibble, don't you?"

Duck Talk

2011-10-02T20:27:00.000-05:00

I know, it's been way too long since I've blogged. So much has happened, it will take awhile to catch up. My computer is not being cooperative so I have to make this quick

September has been a roller coaster of emotions--fun vacation, frustration at our business, fabulous grandchildren and.....

Flirtations with fertility

In the dim light of early morning, I found an unexpected surprise in Bea's pen.
And, well, here's where we are now

Wow...so here is what I found out:

Indian Runners are an unusual breed of domestic duck. They stand erect like penguins and, rather than waddling, they run. The females usually lay about 150 – 200 eggs a year or more, depending whether they are from exhibition or utility strains. They were found on the Indonesian Islands of Lombok, Java and Bali where they were 'walked' to market and sold as egg-layers or for meat. These ducks do not fly and only rarely form nests and incubate their own eggs. They run or walk, often dropping their eggs wherever they happen to be.

Our Bea has been such a source of joy this summer. All this, and eggs too.

Another unexpected sight in the garage has been this

An African violet plant from Mom's funeral. Blooming. Under my care.
A miracle.

Blossoms and eggs.

In the midst of harvest.

What to Do?

2011-08-27T09:39:00.000-05:00

Today is a rare day. There is nothing I HAVE to do today. No schedule, no commitments, no obligations.
However, that doesn't mean I don't have anything to do. Oh no, I don't even know where to start. Well, I guess I do. I started my morning watching grown men and women standing (kind of) in the middle of a hurricane. One of them was interviewing another reporter on the beach whose rain poncho was being blown and shredded into ribbons.
It made me even more thankful to be home. With nothing I HAVE to do.

Except watch the premier of Pioneer Womans new show on the Food Network.

And figure out what to do with all of this:

Interrupted writing my post to fix breakfast--our favorite. Poached farm-fresh eggs on english muffins. Put some beets on to cook and they are done. Now cooking a kettle of potatoes. My kitchen is smelling very "earthy" right now.

Watched the kittens practice their vertical jump skills trying to reach the flowers at the top of the Kiss Me Over the Garden Gate plants. Bea is swimming contentedly in her pond.

Time to put in a load of laundry. Project to do during Pioneer Woman will be to go through some old photos. Our church's 25th anniversary is this year and they are looking of pictures from the early years. The thought of dragging them out is a bit daunting but also something that needs to be done.

So what are you up to today?

The post I write but can't post until later

2011-08-21T22:59:00.001-05:00

Addie sent me a text at 11:04 this morning saying they had arrived at the hospital. I busied myself making lunch for Kent, Sam and I. Sam washed a dishpan full of cucumbers and I peeled garlic for a few jars of dills. My phone signal for a picture message went off, I looked at the clock, it was about 12:15. And there they were, Addie, Tedd and little Leo Alvin Cheney. Born 1 hr and 8 minutes after arriving at the hospital.
The jars are still on the counter and the cucumbers are still in a pile. They will keep. We went right up to the hospital to see this new precious life.

I wrote this post on Friday--Addie was fairly certain she was in labor. Which ended up waxing and waning throughout the weekend but obviously progressed. So now, I can freely share this story with you:

Sam and Frank are going for a boat ride with Rick on Lake Minnetonka today. We've had the week from hell here. Anything that could have gone wrong, did. Plus even stuff that we couldn't screw up, we did.

Phone conversation with Sam:
Sam: We're on our way. Rick wants to know what kind of beer to get. What was the name of that beer I ordered when we took Addie out for her birthday?

Me--spoken: I have no idea--that was like about 2 months ago.
Me--unspoken: Are you #$%@** kidding me?

Sam: I just called in case you might have remembered it. I guess I could call Addie.

Me--spoken: I told you this morning that she thought she was IN LABOR. Maybe this would not be the best time to call her.
Me--unspoken: Are you #$%@** kidding me?

In the background, I hear Frank say, "Oh, is the baby coming today?"

Sam: I'll try calling her

Me: Well, good luck with that then.

About 30 minutes later:

Sam: Well we made it to Nicollet. Frank is picking up some snacks. Rick says you need to fax the Sioux Center job address up to his office.

Me: OK, did you talk to Addie?

Sam: Yeah, but she was having a contraction, so she had to hang up before she could tell me the name of the beer. She texted it to me so we're good to go.

We're Still Here

2011-08-18T09:03:00.000-05:00

In case you have been wondering, everyone is fine. The kitties are growing and Bea just keeps getting sweeter (and smarter) each day. Snapped a quick picture with my phone this morning. It's what happens every day:

Kitties play, Bea watches, Kitties run, Bea follows, Mama kitty takes babies hunting, Bea goes for a swim in her pond.
Then everyone takes a nap

After work every night, I stop by the garden. And here's just a sample of what I've been bringing home

Addie and I hosted a baby shower for Molly on Saturday and served many fresh vegetables in salads.

The other night I was in the garden.
Moping.Yes, totally feeling sorry for myself. Moping. Moping around.
I looked around and all I saw was this

When lo and behold, look what I found.

It's hard to feel sad when you find a baby watermelon.

Busy as a Bea

2011-07-30T08:19:00.000-05:00

Wowsa...this is some busy family. So much has been happening it may take a couple of posts.

The Hankster had some face time with his his daddy's cousin Calvin and girlfriend Ariana. Calvin reminds me of Hanks daddy. Hank looks like Calvin's daddy. It's all so confusing.

Olivia made her own pizza. She didn't share with me. We need to talk about sharing.

Harrison took a nap while Olivia made pizza. I like his shirt. It has flowers. I eat flowers. I like Hank

Olivia went to Bible School this week. She had lots of fun

We've had company all week....Aren't they pretty?

I ate pancakes. I love my Aunt Vaunda SO much!

They're still here--and seem to be making themselves at home. I'm fine, really, I can share, if I have to, as long as they stay away from my pond.

Oh, and Momma Duck wants me to apologize for the unedited photos. She lost her mouse. What's a mouse?

Bea's Back

2011-07-23T10:37:00.000-05:00

Momma Duck (MD)has been really busy this week. And tired. And hot. So she's letting me tell you what's been going on. But first, she's making me show you why I was on a time out.

I didn't mean to eat the whole thing. I just wanted a little snack and it looked so tasty. So I nibbled a few leaves. Then a few more. Before long, it was half gone. I knew I was going to be in trouble anyway, so I finished it off. MD was really mad. Because not only had I eaten an entire plant, I also made a bit of a mess seeing as that the plant gave me the runs, but even tho I'm a runner, I didn't run. I just stood there. With the runs. Get the picture. OK
I didn't tell her but I really did have a tummy ache. It didn't seem like the right time to complain. So I suffered in silence.

Enough of that, now on to the big news of the week. Thursday morning Daddy Duck let me out as usual

I love going out in the morning--I usually head right to my pond but something seemed a little strange

Whuuutttt the....

We have a pwoblem..

Hey that's MY food

Well, 2 can play at that game

Everything worked out fine. The big one gave me a bloody beak. Then we all played tag

And hide and seek

Then we took a bath

The End.

Happiness Is NOT

2011-07-16T06:51:00.000-05:00

coming home last night to find that the toilet ran all day

cleaning up duck poop *insert gagging* in the garage--before 6AM this morning

going downstairs to empty the dehumidifier, finding the carpeting soaked because float was not in the tank and using 10 bathtowels to soak up water -- before 6AM

being drenched in sweat, 16 minutes from the time were going to leave, with nothing packed. at 6:44 am

Happiness is:
Family who can help out when we're gone (the duck poop clean-up may cost me money though--are you reading this Zac?)
Family to visit for the weekend.
Two washers and dryers

Promises

2011-07-15T21:59:00.000-05:00

July has turned into a busy month. The garden is going crazy, Sam has been picking black raspberries, I've been making jam.

I picked green beans, peas, beets, lettuce,zucchini and summer squash.

Made a yummy parmesan crusted tilapia with veggies.

Sam and I made a quick trip to the cities to have lunch with Addie to celebrate her birthday. We had pizza at Punch in Highland Park, then I treated Addie to a pedicure.

Tonight Sam and I are packing up to head to Kansas in the morning.

Bea is on a timeout from internet access because she devoured an entire impatiens plant. She also does not think she needs to stay in her pen at night.
Just what I need, duck puberty.

I promise to get back on track with my posting.

A Guest Post

2011-07-10T22:11:00.002-05:00

Hi everybody, Bea here.

Momma Duck (MD) gave me the password to her blog and told me it was ok to post an update. There's been a lot going on around here lately.

Olivia started swimming lessons last week. Interesting concept. It isn't really that hard. But I have webbed feet. And my own sweet little pond. Olivia's pond is much bigger and more crowded.

It looks like a lot of fun. Do you think Daddy Duck (DD) would build me a diving board?

DD has been busy picking these

So MD can make this

Momma Duck wants me to show you this picture of the garden

Mr H visited last night--he is one busy little boy. It takes MD and DD to keep up with him. I think he needs a pond

Right now, MD is busy folding and putting away laundry. I think I smell more jam cooking. She's really into this "I'm going to get organized and keep the house clean" kick and muttering about somebody named FlyLady . I think it's silly. But, then again, I'm a duck. And I poop wherever and whenever I want.

Do you want to see me flap my wings?

Beginnings and Endings

2011-07-05T19:39:00.000-05:00

Last night Sam and I went to the garden and picked our first summer squash and our last radish (yes, that grossly split, distorted red and white object was at one time a handsome radish in its prime). He picked our first raspberries and gathered the eggs.

Whenever we answer a question or solve a problem for her, Amber always says, "You know SO much about SO many things."
I should have said that to Mom more often. And paid closer attention to what she was saying.
Because I can't remember if the little eggs are the beginning or the ending. I remember Mom explaining it to us. Googling would be cheating, but I'm fairly certain that the small eggs are the end.
That's based on the wisdom of menopause.

Odds Are

2011-07-03T22:54:00.000-05:00

that I am going to post on the odd numbered days in July.

This month I plan on doing a systematic cleaning and organizing of the house.
Everything is finally planted in the yard and deck
For now, until I change my mind.
Mosquitoes are awful.
Sam and I are at the love shack and spent most of the day landscaping:
Weeding, mulching and a planting few pots.
And watching the 3 guys smoke some pot

It looks much better but we are pooped.

Going out to dinner tonight with our friends Dick and Marlys Goodyear.
We haven't seen them in almost 2 years.
Using the mobile broadband for internet and it's really slow, so is the ipad.

To make this boring post more palatable, here are a couple photos of Harrison, both of which could be captioned:

Help!

Recap

2011-06-30T22:45:00.000-05:00

27                  Number of posts in June
39                  Number of flower pots I planted in June
30                Number of times I re-arranged pots in June
14       15       Number of pictures of Bea posted in June

74 Number of pictures taken of Bea in June

6 Number of pints of strawberry jam made in June

27 Number of followers in June

Guess that wraps it up for June. Except I'd really like to invite you to follow my blog. I've been at 27 for quite awhile now. If not, it's ok too, thanks for stopping by.

I'll be back tomorrow to tell you what's up for July.

Frog Junk

2011-06-29T21:56:00.006-05:00

was the original title of the post, but I couldn't get the photo to load correctly.

I looked out the window at my new frog ornament and wondered aloud, "Shouldn't the frog have green balls?"

Yup, that's what my 30 day blogging challenge has come down to folks, frog balls.

Milestone

2011-06-28T21:46:00.001-05:00

Every morning for the past couple weeks, Sam has been introducing Miss Bea to the tub set up especially for her. Every morning she has frantically jumped out and headed straight for her favorite spot under a hosta.

The tub is old, really old, as I was in a pile of stuff we brought home from Opee's (Gardas) farm. I tried growing flowers in it last year, but it held water and the dahlias spend most of the summer floating in a soup of potting soil.

Sam cleared a spot for it (smooshed hostas, no comment) Made some steps out of bricks

Filled it with water

Bea isn't sure what to think

Yesterday morning, I walked into the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot, looked out the window and saw this.

Frog Story

2011-06-27T22:43:00.000-05:00

I found a fun, whimsical piece of garden art this weekend. I love frogs--in moderation--they have to strike my fancy.I brought it home and placed it (temporarily) outside my kitchen window.
I went out to snap a quick photo and noticed a twig protruding from the frog's mouth. On close inspection, I found that an industrious wren had already started a nest in its mouth. It has been less than 2 days and already my object d'art is violated.

Miss Bea watched intently as I took my photographs tonight. I asked her if she wanted me to take her picture.

She's a poser

There's more to the story but I had a photo malfunction.

Sunday Scenes

2011-06-26T19:44:00.000-05:00

A beautiful Sunday here and a good family day enjoyed with Kent. For most of the weekend we savored the leftover smoked chicken and ribs from George and Daniel's visit accompanied with cheesy potatoes, asparagus and fresh lettuce from the garden

On the menu for lunch today

Beer braised Johnsonville Brats perfectly smoked with apple wood served on atop a bed of rustic local Vintage 2010 sauerkraut

(photo re-enactment--too busy stuffing our faces at noon to grab the camera)

Olivia took a break from playing outside to have "quiet" time playing pac man

And Mr. H, well look at this folks

Later on, we all went to the garden to plant some yellow peppers and pick the lettuce

A baby summer squash, what an unexpected surprise

Pea blossom

Two peas in a pod

Radish Raider

Saturday Briefly

2011-06-25T22:19:00.000-05:00

10 AM Mary's Roses

6 PM Pick Kathy's strawberries

10 PM Eat Kathy's strawberries

In between, a fun day of touring gardens, lunch, plant shopping, weeding and feeling better about life in general. Never underestimate the healing power of friends and fresh-picked berries.

I Am Determined

2011-06-24T21:15:00.000-05:00

to fulfill my personal goal of posting every day in June. Even though today has been a bad day--ending a bad week. So I'm going to post this photo I took Wednesday night when George and Daniel were here. I loaded the photos this morning --and have been an emotional wreck ever since.

We always take a picture of everyone around the table.
This is the first one without Mom.
I just miss her so much right now.

One of my least favorite things

2011-06-23T11:35:00.000-05:00

is being on the front-line of our hiring process. On the other hand, I have great stories. Probably enough to fill a book, if I could remember them all.

We put a help-wanted ad in yesterday's paper, so the phone calls have begun and I now have my first applicant.

Here's where we are so far:
He called twice trying to find the office --understandable, it is quite the complex.
He walked in and his opening line was, "Wow, I ran into the glass wall at the end of the hall.You know, the one next to the door"
Rubs goose-egg on forehead

Standard applicant attire, sports jersey, baggy pants, tattoos, lots of them and reeks of cologne. He'll fit right in.

I hand him the application and show him into Sam's office to fill it out.

His name is Nick. He has no driver's license. He says, "I haven't got it yet."
I ask, "How old are you?"
"I'm 20," he replies.
"Did you lose your license?"
"No, I flunked the written exam and just never got around to it"
"So how do you plan on getting to work?" I ask
"Oh, I have reliable transportation."
Yea, like I haven't heard that line before....
"It's my wife, I'm like married."
Wow, no surprise someone snatched you up right away. You are such a hot commodity.
But on a scale of 1 -10, I'm giving him a 4. Because he showed up (or at least somebody made sure he showed up), he was polite, honest and smelled pretty darn good.

Wondering

2011-06-22T08:00:00.002-05:00

It's Wednesday--only 8 more days left in June.

I'm about to post another photo of Bea.

If anyone is planning an intervention, could you possibly wait until the first of July.

I can quit any time.

Really I can.

But she loves me, she really loves me.

And, no, I don't know what I was thinking when I put my hair in pigtails.

And, yes, I'm in my pajamas.

Chair Story--The Saga Continues

2011-06-21T15:31:00.001-05:00

Chair as bunk bed

Clean funky sheet

Then the cat showed up and everything changed

Explanation: Poor photo quality. Black blob in chair is sleeping cat. Sorry. I've started bringing my real camera to work so I can use the zoom

Green Is

2011-06-20T20:50:00.000-05:00

Bea's favorite color

And mine

Zoey is still thinking about it

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T20:52:00.000-05:00

Some of us:

Made lunch and lemonade

Did the dishes

Or Called

Or just missed

Our Dads

Saturday

2011-06-18T23:14:00.000-05:00

Made Paella for the first time tonight. Delicious, but need a different pan.

Sam read Olivia a book

Harrison loves his sing a ma jig

(Don't you just love his hair?? The nicknames are endless: Little Alvin, Little Mark, Curly)

Meanwhile

Friday Night

2011-06-17T22:08:00.000-05:00

Long week. Will try for asparagus recipe tomorrow.

I'm no food stylist

2011-06-16T22:23:00.000-05:00

Who needs it. This is fresh picked asparagus, lettuce and some rather gnarly radishes.

When we were growing up, Mom always served fresh leaf lettuce with a delicious creamy dressing. I now have mastered the secret. Here are the ingredients

After working with Mom as my taste tester, I can now make the dressing that Grandma Seetin taught her to make.

I wish I could give you the quantities, but every batch is different. My only advice is to start with a generous amount of cream or half and half, a small amount of vinegar and sweeten to taste. Must have a dash of salt and pepper.

Gnarly radishes are good. And green onions when they are ready.

Tomorrow, my "secret" asparagus sauce.

A Duck Break

2011-06-15T18:42:00.000-05:00

I dd a quick search of my measly collection of albums for photos of Dad. Most of the photos are in boxes in the top of the closet and I just could not "go there." Dad died in 1996--pre-digital photography (I know, seriously, film, negatives, processing, prints..) but I found a couple to share. I realized that in the past years, I've been focused on Mom. But when Kent was home, he started reading Dad and Mom's letters written during the war

and it shifted my focus back to them as a couple, as parents and grandparents.

I love this photo with Lukas. This was taken on a day they had been baling. At Mom's funeral, Lukas shared about his memories of baling. Now he knows how early it started. I can almost smell my dad--a combination of sweat and fresh hay. But he always put out his arms to hold a baby or take hold of a small hand.

Or feed a calf

Real Men Don't Quack

2011-06-14T21:08:00.000-05:00

Indian Runners are an unusual breed of domestic duck they stand erect like penguins and, rather than waddling, they run.
Indian Runners love foraging. They also like swimming in ponds and streams, but they are likely to be preoccupied in running around grassy meadows looking for worms, slugs, even catching flies. They appreciate open spaces but are happy in gardens from which they cannot fly and where they make much less noise than call ducks
Only the females quack.

All drakes are limited to a hoarse whisper.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_Runner_Duck
We definitely have a quacker.

Road Trip

2011-06-13T14:27:00.000-05:00

We are gardening at Mom's farm which is about 2 miles from our home. Sam removed her (yes, I now know it's her--more on that later) from the basket. For the next hour, she followed Sam up and down the rows as he ran the tiller in the south garden. I picked the asparagus and gathered some rhubarb in the north garden.

I was kneeling in the row of onions, hand-weeding and hoeing. When I looked up, Sam was crossing the road with the duck and the tiller. The duck paused for a drink of water in the pan I had put out for her.

As she was drinking, she noticed me and immediately ran toward me, quacking in delight. While I'm not any expert on duck emotions, I do know that they are emotional creatures, and by gosh that duck was happy.

She came closer and closer to me until she was touching my knees and seemed to be trying to climb up into my lap. She turned her head to the side and allowed me to pick her up. I held her close and she nestled her beak into the crook of my elbow.

I gently stroked her soft feathers and she murmured her appreciation. Soon, she began to wiggle and I let her go back the business of eating dirt and nibbling on the weeds I was pulling.

All this time, I thought she was just following us because that's what ducks do, they follow. Now I know she wanted something, needed something. I just had to be still long enough to find out what it was.

Could this be what grief is like? If I keep moving, busy, occupied, it will not catch up to me. Eventually however, it does. In those time, I run to God's arms. I don't like to cry--and it's hard to feel sad for long around this duck.

Mom is never far from my thoughts, especially in the garden. And I wish she could see me. Holding a duck. In the garden. Weeding. Smiling. Grieving.

Warning

2011-06-12T07:44:00.002-05:00

Another post about

This photo was taken on Tuesday--when it was 100 degrees here. Had to improvise on a water feature for the duck--but she (or he) managed to take care of business.
Lately we've had conversations like this:
Sam, "I'm going to go till the garden."
Me, "Ok, I'll go along and do some weeding."
Duck, But I just got out of my pen for the day. I thought this was family time. I've been lonely
Me, "What about the duck?"
Sam,"We can take her along."
Duck, ? Not exactly what I had in mind?
Sam put the duck in a laundry basket, set it in the back of the pickup and off we went.
Duck, QUACK QUACK QUACK QWWWWAAAAAAKKKKK

Second warning: To be continued
Note to Vaunda: Yes there is only one duck...the other a casualty of a "let's put the ducks in an outdoor pen" experiment.

Love Is

2011-06-11T09:01:00.000-05:00

Do you remember this comic strip from the 70s? I did a little research online and found that it is still in syndication. The creator of the column, Kim Groves, died in 1997 but the cartoon has been taken over by her son.

When I was in high school, a group of us would stop in the library after lunch to read the cartoon in the paper. We would sigh, clasp our hands to our bosoms and utter a collective "Aaawwww" every single day. Occasionally, the need to capture the moment included tearing the column out of the paper. We would stage an elaborate production of distracting the librarian, Mrs. Rosa, (who we strongly suspected had something other than coffee in her thermos) either by chatting her up or asking her to retrieve a past issue of an obscure publication from the area of the library known as the "stacks."

The reason for this bit of nostalgia is the sweet relationship I see developing between Maddie and Zoey, Zac and Amber's dogs. Zoey worships Maddie and wants to be just like her. Maddie is gentle, nurturing and patient (most of the time). They are my daily source of Love Is

Here is the original comic strip

And here is the Zoey and Maddie version

of a need and a want being brought together

Is it Possible

2011-06-10T09:08:00.000-05:00

that wearing a pair of sensible work shoes actually improves productivity? I'm going to try it again today-- although I have already accomplished quite a bit here at home--barefoot and in pjs.Yesterday, I dressed to work in the garden: t-shirt, yoga pants and a pair of brown shoes I dug out of the bottom of the hall closet. They felt a little tight--probably because my feet are totally flattened out from wearing sandals.

I did not accomplish my goal of cleaning out my inbox by noon. Not even close. I must have been on a bit of a caffeine high when I wrote that.

Some of it was easy

Some of it was more difficult

But at 5:45 PM it was DONE!

I do believe it was the shoes

Today is the Day

2011-06-09T10:42:00.000-05:00

I'm going to do it.
And to make it even more interesting, I'm going to do it by noon.
I can't stand it any longer.
You are a constant reminder of weakness and poor management

Good bye contents of my inbox.

(Sorry for this crappy photo--as opposed to the other crappy photos from my cell phone I post on a regular basis)

One way or another, in exactly one hour and twenty minutes you will be gone.

Beautiful Things

2011-06-08T07:55:00.000-05:00

A letter of sympathy from a dear friend
A table runner woven by Addie
Daisies in an old teapot.
And childhood memories of drinking tea made in this teapot

Happiness Is

2011-06-07T13:17:00.000-05:00

finding the perfect rocking chairs for the deck. And a rug on sale.

Still working on arrangement. May have everything put in place by the time summer is over.

Words

2011-06-05T15:06:00.001-05:00

Do you ever find yourself hearing a sentence spoken, or perhaps putting a string of words together yourself, that makes you wonder, "Has anyone else ever said this?"

Here's today's example:
Denise, talking to their dog, "No Deuce, you can't go outside right now. It's the duck's turn to be outside. He likes to be outside too."

Somebody here

2011-06-02T21:19:00.000-05:00

needs to get a life

I tried to upload a video of the duck. But it doesn't work. And I'm too tired to figure out what is wrong. It's been a VERY long day. So I'm going to show you what we had for dinner and call it good.

Great, blogger photo/video upload changes. Perfect.

30 Days In June

2011-06-01T22:04:00.000-05:00

Inexplicably I have challenged myself to blog every day for the next 30 days. I'm not sure I've ever done anything for 30 days in a row.
Except maybe, eat.
The past 30 days have been a challenge. I miss Mom so much. It seems everything I do reminds me of her.
But I've been doing some new things.
I made two pies in one day.
Tonight I used the trimmer. Sam told me the secret:
You have to know how to swear.
It worked. My hands are still tingling but I am proud of myself.
For stepping outside my comfort zone.

Speaking of comfort zones, let me leave you with this disturbing photo taken tonight in the garage

I'm too tired to think of a caption...but we can talk again tomorrow.

Pillow Talk

2011-05-21T11:28:00.000-05:00

Remember this photo from about a month ago

Well, the times they are a changin'

Because a certain puppy is growing at an alarming rate and can now out-run and out-jump her Sister/Mom/Juvenile Correction Officer.

Zoey upgraded her seating assignment

Disturbing

2011-05-18T15:33:00.000-05:00

On my way back from putting the peepers in their outdoor pen for the day, I noticed something strange outside my front door.

The frame was missing from the outdoor speaker

And impaled on the back of the chair

And then there was this.

Sam's answer, "Racoons"
Which may well be the case.
It appears that they were looking for something.
But what?
Because this was rather intense.

My Peeps

2011-05-17T07:56:00.002-05:00

I don't really like ducks. Or geese. Some of my friends and family like them. But not me. They are messy and, like whistling girls and crowing hens, always come to some bad end.

Sam bought 2 baby ducks home in a cardboard box--just for a couple days until they were big enough to go to the farm.

Sam and Vaunda put them in the man cave and I didn't even look at them.

Vaunda hand fed them eggs and oatmeal. And showed them how to drink.

The kids loved them and played with them.

I was not even remotely interested.

But then, everyone left. Except the ducks.

Before I knew it, I was microwaving an egg and mixing in a little oatmeal. They peeped appreciatively and devoured everything in sight. Maybe I was on to something here.

A few days passed and though I was feeding them and cleaning up after them, I maintained a safe emotional distance.

Last Saturday, I watched as Sam unloaded a large covered crate and drug it across the yard. He then went into the garage and gently carried the ducks and placed them in the crate. "They should be eating dandelions," he said.

They were scared. And confused. Tears filled my eyes as I thought about them.

All alone out there, without a mother to show them what to do.

Just like me.

Later in the day, I approached the pen and they peeped excitedly when they saw me. For the first time, I touched them as I put them in the basket to go back into the garage for the night. They were soft and downy and gently nipped my fingers.

I went back outside and picked a few dandelion greens, tore them into small pieces and watched in amazement as they nibbled them directly from my hand.

That was it. I had to get the camera. And take some video. So you could see.

My ducks. My peeps.

I'm doing OK, Mom.

Sometimes I forget

2011-05-13T18:18:00.001-05:00

That I am not exactly young anymore. Because inside, I don't feel like I am 57. Yes, that's my age. There's no use hiding it. No mystery here. When you have a child who is only a couple years from a 20th class reunion, well, what's the point?
But I really didn't need this to show up in my inbox today:

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****************************************************************************************

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Hoveround Corporation
2151 Whitfield Industrial Way
Sarasota, FL 34243

* Insurance coverage depends on medical necessity as determined by insurer. Valid doctors prescription required.

Tick Tick Tick

2011-05-11T11:34:00.002-05:00

I sat down at my desk this morning and felt something crawling on my forehead.
It was a wood tick.
I showed it to Sam.
I put it in the toilet
But I couldn't flush the toilet, more on that later
I came back to my desk and felt something crawling in my hair.
It was another wood tick
I showed it to Sam
I put it in the toilet
With the other tick who was learning to tread water
I came back to my desk and felt something crawling in my bra.
It was yet another wood tick.
I yelled at Sam, "There's another one!"
And put it in the toilet.
Tick number 1 was unsuccessful in his attempt to tread water (Die Sucka!)

I must have gotten all the ticks when I put the ducklings in the outdoor pen this morning. Yes, the ducklings. That I am actually cooking special food for and cleaning up after. The newly hatched ducklings that "someone" brought to Mom's visitation last Sunday. For Olivia. The ducklings that hopefully will be going to a new home tonight.

We don't have any water here because anything and everything associated with the well decided to crap out.
It just keeps getting better.

The dark side

2011-05-08T17:37:00.001-05:00

As if losing Mom and becoming violently ill with a stomach virus in a 12 hour period wasn't bad enough, I had the pleasure of working with an intern funeral director at our local funeral home.
Who was, are you ready for this, a former flight attendant.

I call her "Mortician Barbie"
My niece Ingrid's daughter remembered the ad line and said “she can be anything she wants to be, but probably shouldn’t.”

It's a long story filled with her inappropriate and sometimes bizarre marketing tactics:
"The vault is the most important purchase you will make. You can have it painted to match the casket"
Um, isn't this going under the ground?

"We keep a thumbprint on file in case you wish to order something from our jewelry line"
Now that is just creepy.

I know this is a public blog, but I need to vent.

Because today she called me and left a message wishing me a happy mother's day.
She said how much she enjoyed getting to know us.
And that my mother's death certificates were ready to be picked up any time. She would be in between 11 and 4.

This couldn't have waited until tomorrow?

Til We Meet Again

2011-05-06T07:36:00.000-05:00

I was not planning to speak at Mom's funeral. Sunday morning I awoke at 3 am and knew the words were coming to me so I quickly wrote them down. Here is what I shared:

Mom was not a list maker. She never saw a need for it. Several times we tried to supply her with 3 x 5 index cards and working pens but she never saw a need for them Why waste time writing out when she already knew what had to be done—she would rather be doing than planning. Her calendar only noted important things like planting dates and the date the bull was put in with the cows. Oh yes, that was a red letter day. For all concerned.

There was nothing Mom enjoyed more than a good letter. It was right up there with having a cup of coffee delivered to her bed each morning and listening to the opening markets on the Linder Farm Network.

She was part of the generation who relied on letters to keep up to date with family news.. Of course the letters, especially from her dear sisters, had to include at least one Ole and Lena joke and heavy use of the expression HA exclamation point. This was before LOL. Whenever she finished reading them, she always said, “She writes such a good letter.”

When we started going to Florida, Kent began the tradition of mailing addressed and stamped envelopes to many family members. She eagerly awaited our return from the daily trip to the post office with the “postal catch of the day.” We would read each of them aloud and hear about everyone’s weather, catch up on the news and enjoy a few Ole and Lena jokes. And we would all say, “She writes such a good letter.”

One of my best memories of Mom will be the time we spent together reading or doing crossword puzzles. My mother in law Louise also read to her by the hour and often joked that sometimes they’d get side-tracked by Mom’s reminiscing. Those days together with both our moms are now more precious than ever.

As many of you know, Mom loved to be outdoors and was never happier than when the first leaves of her early garden emerged from the soil. She continued the hard work into the raw fall days until the last of the potatoes were dug and several wagon loads of squash were hauled out.

Another of Mom’s gifts was her ability to prepare and serve delicious, substantial meals usually accompanied with homemade bread and jam to anyone and everyone lucky enough to find a seat at her table.

Just Saturday night, I arrived home to a house filled with family. Gathered around the island in my kitchen were many of her grandchildren preparing dinner. The food was some of the best I’ve ever eaten. But more importantly was how they all said how much fun they had doing it. Food and laughter—just like Mom’s kitchen.

Mom’s legacy may not have been made up of costly goods but rather in knowledge of the importance of simple things, splurging once in awhile because as she always said, “I don’t go to shows” and loving her family unconditionally and eternally.

She was such a good mom.

Letting Go

2011-04-28T15:43:00.000-05:00

It might have been funny. Well, actually it was funny. The six of us, seven if you count Mom, plus 2 laptops, an oxygen machine, an Ipad, a Kindle, 2 blackberries, 4 cell phones and, oh yes, even a jigsaw puzzle, crowded in a makeshift boot camp/slumber party/vigil in Moms tiny room at Parker Oaks.
Grieving family gone high tech.
Except we did not skype. Crap, we could have skyped.

Just like old times
we joked about passing gas
endured stinky feet (wait, I guess I didn't say anything because I'm about 99% sure it was my feet)
climbed over each other countless times
played musical chairs with the winners ending up in one of the 2 broken down recliners and the losers in the metal folding chair.
reminisced about whatever came to mind
slept
didn't sleep
cried
sang hymns
texted
prayed
emailed
cried
checked facebook

And every chance possible drew close to Mom, stroked her forehead, hands, arms, shoulders
And had plenty of time to tell her over and over, how much we loved her and what a great mom she was.
Tears seeped from her eyes when we sang
Tears flowed down her cheeks this morning.
She heard and felt everything.
She slipped peacefully in the arms of her Savior at 10 am this morning.
What a glorious resurrection gift.
That right now feels like an inconsolable loss

Loving

2011-04-27T08:37:00.001-05:00

Curled up in a blanket in a recliner next to Mom's bed. I'm dozing intermittently but Mom is awake and a little restless.
"Nina"
I push down the footrest and go up to the bed..
"I love you," she says
"I love you too, Mom. You are the best Mom ever"
"How are you doing?" she asks
""I'm OK"
"Am I ok?" she wonders
"You are great"

"Good." she whispers.

I go back to the chair, lean back and close my eyes
"Nina"
I put down the foot rest and go up to her bed. I re-position the cool towel on her forehead. She sighs and says, "There, that feels so good."
"Everything OK, Mom?"
"I'm good."

A few moments later, "Nina"
This time she just looks at me and says, "I forgot what I was going to say."
"I't's ok Mom, I need the exercise."
I tease her about owing me a big tip--like when we're in Florida and I put out a "Tip Jar"
She nods.
And I realize that she can't smile anymore--except with her eyes.

Reflecting

2011-04-25T22:15:00.000-05:00

What a glorious resurrection day yesterday! We worshipped early in the morning in the crisp spring air and heard the proclamation of the women at the tomb, "he is not here, he is risen. Jesus is alive"
There is no denying that Mom's condition is deteriorating. Vaunda and I are with her tonight. We feel the power and strength of all of your prayers.

Trying

2011-04-21T21:42:00.000-05:00

to figure out what to post about the past few days.
There's so much to say.
But I don't have the words.
Well, yes I do, but you do not want to hear them right now.
Mom entered Parker Oaks just in time for an outbreak of a stomach virus.
The sounds and smells nearly did us in yesterday.
One month ago today was the day we found out Mom had cancer.
This afternoon I curled up on the couch in my office and fell sound asleep.
Maybe tomorrow I can write more.
I'll try.

Thank you

2011-04-18T21:14:00.001-05:00

For all of your prayers, cards, notes, calls, texts, comments. We are blessed to have been able to continue the tradition of birthday pizza!

Nothing fancy--kind of thrown together
Like this post--but I'm tired tonight. In a good way.
Because this was the first day in a long time that something felt normal.
Monday night supper
Finally.

Leaving

2011-04-16T08:16:00.001-05:00

the hospital today. Finally.
At least that is the plan.
But I am SO done with planning.
Mom is being discharged to Parker Oaks Care Facility
Who at first told the social worker that they do not do weekend admissions
Then Dr. Ingram (palliative care physician) intervened
And told them the Monday is Mom's birthday and neither he nor the family wanted her to spend her birthday in transit
They changed their mind
And told them he "owed them big"
(what do you suppose that means in their terms?)
Hopefully by the end of the day, Mom will be settled in her room. No tubes. No pokes. No hospital noise.
Maybe she can hear the birds chirp, see the faces of family, friends and have as much birthday cake as she wants.
We may even sneak in a puppy...but mum's the word on that one!

Looking

2011-04-15T08:41:00.000-05:00

for answers.

After 2 fairly good days, Mom was weaker yesterday. Sounds like she did not sleep well the night before.
A long nap in the afternoon seemed to help. She was able to work with the respiratory therapists and get back up the chair for dinner.
Whenever we go to McDonalds, Mom always orders the fish sandwich, so I ordered her one off the hospital menu. She ate almost the whole thing! Yay Mom! So we are going to try ordering her some other favorites like maybe Mac and Cheese or a hot dog. The good part is, if she doesn't like it we can order something else.
We have a care conference scheduled for 1 pm today. It seems like it's time to get her surgery, hospital and palliative care doctors together and attempt to come up with a plan to get her out of the hospital.

Care conference. I've heard that expression so many times. But it's always for someone else.
Not us.

The View From Here

2011-04-13T10:09:00.000-05:00

Zac and Amber's dog Maddie comes to work with Zac every day. She spends 99.9% of her time on the couch in Sam's office or this chair in my office. Maddie now has a baby sister, Zoe. Maddie (chair) met me at the office door.

It is a chilly morning here. I found baby Zoe (pillow) outside on her lead. I unhooked her and she cuddled in my jacket, put her nose under my chin and went to sleep.

Please understand, we put our little Gus to sleep and don't plan to get another dog. We will enjoy the grand-dogs. A sweet, tame, stray, outside cat has befriended us so we are covered in that department.

Zac and Amber got Zoe last week. But I'm going through a lot right now...a puppy...too much..too needy...too messy

Too much like me right now.

But this morning, when I was feeling rather low, she was just right.

Better

2011-04-12T15:42:00.000-05:00

Things are better today. Mom is eating , looks more like herself, taking her walk, doing her therapy.

I am on a mission
She needs to get out of here.
It's time.

3 Weeks and Counting

2011-04-12T07:51:00.000-05:00

Duration of Mom's hospitalization.
And, yes, I am discouraged.
She seems to want to spend all of her time in bed. When I arrived Sunday, she was up in the chair. Her lunch tray arrived with the same old swill of a full liquid diet. I asked the nurse for a piece of toast. Mom always likes a little toast to dip in her soup. The nurse was back in only a few moments with a warm slice for her.
She took about 3 teeny bites--and said "That's enough"
However, Zac, Amber, Harrison and Olivia arrived a few moments later. I scooped little Mr H who was attired in a green and brown monkey hoodie and took him over to GG.
He smiled at her as if to say, "There you are, I've been wondering where you've been"
Her face lit up and she murmured her usual sweet talk to him.
Harrison just kept smiling.
Olivia gave her an envelope covered with princess stickers that she had made. Inside was a piece of candy.
I was so encouraged. Finally, we have found Mom's (as Dr Phil would say) currency.
But yesterday, she was back to being withdrawn and unwilling to eat, walk or engage in conversation.
I had my own sh***y day. Will write about that later.
Maybe.
Today I am going to Parker Oaks Care Facility in Winnebago. Verla and I toured the Waseca option recommended by the palliative care team, but I am thinking more and more that she would do better where she could have more company and familiar faces. So I'm going to check it out to see if the programs are comparable.
George and Jan are here this week. We are trying to come up with ways to get Mom eating again.
Her birthday is next Monday--and we all know what that means:
Beer and Pizza
It's a tradition.
That started on her 80th birthday.

Matt

2011-04-10T19:51:00.003-05:00

has been one of our favorite caregivers at ISJ. He does a great job, enjoys visiting with Mom and those of us who are in and out of her room and most importantly
He's :
Easy on the eyes
ISJ Mancake
A burgundy scrub wearing hottie....

I'd better stop there.

So, the other night he is in Mom's room. We were talking about what we were having for dinner. And Mom quoted an oft-used phrase from the past:
"Hey Grandpa, what's for supper?"
Matt *blank look*
Mom, "Remember on Hee Haw how they always asked Grandpa Jones 'What's for supper?'"
Matt *blanker look* now a bit desperate thinking he hopes to wake up from a nightmare
Me, "Mom, I don't think Matt knows what Hee Haw was--Matt's mom and dad may have been forced to watch it at some point in time but have, so far, have chosen not to expose their sweet boy to such as this;"
(Hee Haw Video removed as it blocked some people from viewing the blog)

Because in addition to everything that's been going on with Mom,
Taxes are due
I have an insurance audit
And we had our sweet dog Gus put to sleep

Quality of LIfe

2011-04-07T08:00:00.001-05:00

Verla, Mom and I met with the palliative care team yesterday. Things were a little rough at the start, Mom had a bout of nausea after they had offered her a little jello and a sip of water. Her anti-nausea meds had been on an "as needed" basis so there was nothing in place to prevent it. That has now changed so she is on Zofran every 6 hours. It had been a big day, therapy, walking, staples removed and I think a whole room full of people in white coats was too much.

Mostly they wanted to get to know Mom, hear about her life and talk about options for when she leaves the hospital. She was able, even after barfing in front of everyone, to carry on a conversation and even told how she and Dad met. I share the barfing point only because, had that been me, I would have ordered them out of the room, asked for a sedative and told them to come back when I had some lipstick on.

However, this is a woman who has done what needed to be done no matter what. Even if it meant having Dad carry in a calf with scours (think projectile diarrhea) to the basement shower room across her newly mopped floor or spending her birthday sowing oats.

Quality of life is an expression that comes up frequently these days. Mom said to them, "Do you know what quality of life is?"
"It's having a steaming hot cup coffee brought to your bed every morning."

Because my dad did that for her every day I can remember. Now I take her coffee in the morning. I never realized how much it meant to her.

(Sorry for the poop and barf content--but if you ever spent an extended amount of time in a hospital, it's kind of like talking about the weather)

Many Things About Tomorrow

2011-04-06T20:33:00.000-05:00

I don't understand. Decisions weigh heavy on my heart. The words from this gospel song came to me last night and I found this video--poor quality--but the message is exactly what I'm clinging too right now.

Tuesday

2011-04-06T07:51:00.002-05:00

I have a few things to share, but find it's easier to post in small amounts.
Mom had just returned from a walk in the hallway and was sitting up in her chair. I read a couple stories from Guideposts and she, Verla and I were visiting. .About an hour had passed and she said, "I think I'm ready to go for my walk."
I said, "Mom, you just walked about an hour ago, are you sure you want to go again?"
Verla then told me that the nurses have left it up to mom when she walks, there is no set schedule
"Yes," Mom smiled, "I canoe my own peddle."
Which is an expression she has used so often.
She then went on to explain where the phrase came from. Her grandmother was disgusted with another relative who was thinking of leaving her husband. Mom gave the dialogue in German, told us what it meant and that the response her Grandmother received was "But I vant to canoe my own peddle."

And, to quote another of her favorite phrases, "Don't we all?"

Resting

2011-04-05T08:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Mom seemed extremely tired and slept most of the day. She was subdued and quiet when awake.
She walked and sat in the chair. Verla read to Mom intermittently throughout the day. Mom was sleeping when I arrived--I waited as long as I could to wake her up and let her know that the grain markets had taken another leap. She has been so patient and optimistic about the markets and I'm "Chicken Little" in the equation. However, I felt compelled to make sure she took advantage of historic high prices.

So we sold some corn. And then she went back to sleep. And I wished we could turn back time and be at home where we would have a glass of wine together and a little toast to celebrate.

Lately it has felt like time is standing still in the hospital. It's like living in two completely different worlds.
I'm wondering if the same thing is happening with Mom.

The Question

2011-04-03T20:06:00.000-05:00

came this afternoon when Sam, Verla and I returned from lunch. Mom was settled in her bed after a good morning of her first real shower, no Linda Blair vomiting and a brief sing-a-long when I told her we sang Marvelous Grace in church this morning. She is looking and sounding more like herself.
"Nina, I have a question. When did I get sick? "
"Can you tell me what's wrong or is it too hard for you?"
I told her everything we knew. It wasn't too hard.
Then.
She replied, "It's ok, I've had a good life. How many people live to be 93?"
She said a few other things--I wish I could remember it all.
But right now.
It's hard.
Really hard.

How Sweet It Is

2011-04-02T08:15:00.000-05:00

To get a text message from Mark that reads:
In the area of "not for general publication" Mom had a small bowel movement accompanied by a couple of toots.

The last 24 hours have shown great improvement in her pain level, nausea and a overall demeanor. They removed the NG tube, and she had not had any pain meds all day. Again, a great sign.

The nurses told us shortly after her surgery that there have been some significant celebrations involving the event of passing gas. I can see why. It's a big deal to know that things are starting to function normally. However, we kept the partying to a minimum and instead read the market commentary on the Linder Farm network and discussed the news.

Then I clicked on a link to Tina and Lena jokes on the site--and we had a few laughs. Maybe they'll make you laugh too:

A guy goes to the Doctor, and the Doctor tells him he only has a day to live. He goes home to tell his wife and she asks him what he wants to do with his final hours. “Let’s go upstairs and fool around all night long.”

“Well…” his wife replied, “that might be alright for you…you don’t have to get up in the morning.”

The town cop was parked outside a bar at midnight, watching for drunk drivers. He saw a man stumbling out the door, trip over the curb, searching the lot for his car, struggle to get the door opened and finally fall asleep on the front seat. One by one the drivers of the other cars drive off, and finally the guy wakes up, starts his car and pulls out of the parking lot. The cop pulls him over and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The results show 0.0 blood-alcohol level, and the cop is puzzled. He asks, “How can that be?” The guy says, “Well, tonight was my turn to be the designated decoy.”

Lena was competing in the Sons of Norway swim meet. She came in l-a-s-t in the hundred-yard breast stroke, and she approached the judges, “Oh, say, I don’t vant to complain, but I tink those other ladies vere using dere arms.”

How many Germans does it take to grease a combine?

Vell, only two…but you gotta run ‘em through r-e-a-l-l-y SLOW!

Information overload

2011-03-31T19:00:00.000-05:00

Way too many posts today...for which I humbly apologize. However am sitting in mom's room and she has fallen asleep. Wanted to write this when i was still thinking about it.

Last night we were reading from an Amish cookbook that I just put on my kindle. When we came to the chapter about canning, the author/editor wrote that canning and preserving is an important part of Amish cooking. He wrote that there is one item grown in the garden that is unsuitable for canning. I paused for a moment to see if mom was still listening.
"Rhubarb" she said
And she was right.

Morning report

2011-03-31T11:52:00.000-05:00

from Kent. Mom is sitting up in the chair. Dr Risty (her surgeon) thinks she's looking better. Mom isn't quite so sure. Mark is reading to her.
Mom always listens to the grain markets throughout the day. She loves to stay on top of the commodity prices.
I told Kent to see if she's interested in listening to the markets today. KTOE radio streams their broadcast online so she can hear the Linder Farm network closing report.
Today is "Turn-around-Thursday"--
Everything is up ...
Praying she has her own "turn-around-Thursday" when she hears this news.

The view from here

2011-03-31T10:54:00.000-05:00

I'm in my office this morning.

This is my inbox.
I'm also getting a new computer.
Not even sure where to start.
So just piled everything up.

Unrelated

2011-03-31T09:02:00.000-05:00

to news about Mom, Kent and I were waiting for the elevator to go home yesterday afternoon.
I said, "Wow, what is that smell?"
Kent replied, "I'm not sure but it's really strong"
"It smells like Cotton Candy"
"You're right, it does."
"Maybe it's coming from the nurse's break room"
I had noticed a woman sitting in a chair next to the window. I looked at her, I guess wondering if she was smelling the same thing.
She said, "It's my lotion"
"What?"
"I think you smell my lotion."
"Oh, what is it called?"
"Cotton Candy"
I'm at a loss here folks. Cotton Candy scented lotion. Not my first choice of fragrance. EVER.
Who comes up with this stuff?

Better Day

2011-03-30T14:29:00.000-05:00

Mom is doing better. She has been up in the chair, took a nap and when we came back from lunch was looking much more like herself again. We read devotions and the Amish Cook Column. I also read from an Amish Cook's Treasure, a book I just put on my Ipad.
My heart is lighter.
She smiled and laughed for the first time in many days.
God is good!

Little things

2011-03-29T21:05:00.000-05:00

Finding a blue M&M when I thought the bag of trail mix was empty
Having Mom sit up in a chair today.
Getting a pillow and blanket from a kind lady so I could lay on the couch in the family lounge.
The peanut butter cookies in the cafeteria.
Having Mom actually able to nap and rest most of the day
Coming home and making dinner for Sam and I
With enough to feed Mark and Kent
A kind and caring surgeon who understands
And tells me that things should get better

Listening

2011-03-29T05:26:00.001-05:00

Not one of my strengths. I want to interrupt, finish sentences, put in my two cents worth.
But I'm learning that I need to hear what others have to say.

The hospital is noisy. The man across the hall is hard of hearing. It's hard not to listen to the yelling that goes on in his room.

Late last night, the doctor came in and gave us the results of the ct scan. For now, things appear to be stable. She told us that she was concerned that she would have to take Mom back to OR. But what she saw on the scan did not indicate that she needed to go back in.

However there are some serious concerns about her condition. She has been running a fever. Pneumonia seems to be lurking in the background. Mom needs to feel good enough to sit up in the chair and even take a few steps.

We also talked briefly about biopsy results--which confirmed that the tumor and other areas biopsied are cancerous. Of 20 lymph nodes, 16 were cancerous.

While we have many questions, there are not answers to all of them right now. The immediate goals are to get her comfortable and recovered from the surgery." That may take some time. Because, according to the doctor, we are "At the mercy of our bowels. (Now there's a catchy title for a country song.) And the bowels tend to take their own sweet time to get back in business. But the nurses and doctors keep listening for some sign that they are "waking" up. And they listen to Mom, to us and each other. Not our bowels, or each others bowels. Oh, never mind. You know what I mean.

Kent, Mark and I all came home last night after hearing the results. We had planned to stay, but Mom really needed to rest and seemed to be ok. She even managed to say a few words and told us "It's late, you kids need to get home" She was right, as usual, and being bossed around., even in her weak, labored voice, was just fine.

It's complicated

2011-03-28T19:39:00.001-05:00

Mom has not had a good day. They are taking her down for a CT Scan to see if they can see if there's something going on.
They have started her on some nutrition and lipids.
I would give anything to see her smile.

Most interesting line of the day--just spoken by the nurse who is filling her full of dye for the scan:
"Keep your family close but your barf bag closer"

Tough day

2011-03-28T14:28:00.000-05:00

Just arrived at hospital. Mom is having a really rough time. Nausea that is not responding to meds. Blood pressure high. Lot of pain.
They put in an NG tube to empty contents of stomach. Also a PICC line to start her on nutrition at 6 pm.
Please pray that things improve..she is miserable.

Top Ten List

2011-03-28T09:53:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to bother with the other 9, but the number one thing you don't want to have to say to your husband on a Monday morning is:

"I think the toilet in my bathroom is leaking."

Yesterday

2011-03-28T08:03:00.000-05:00

After church in the morning, Kent and I went to the hospital. Mom had been sitting in the chair and was exhausted and sore. I talked to her nurse and she said they were holding off on giving her anything but ice chips for now. There was some swelling in her abdomen and they are being cautious. Her kidneys were also not putting out enough urine so they were giving her some Lasix.

Mark, Kent and I left her to nap while we went for lunch (weekend cafeteria food leaves something to be desired--it had been quite good) As we were leaving, I looked at her catheter bag and commented to Mom that things definitely were improving down there.

When I came back in, her care attendant came in to check on her and checked her bag, I heard her say "Whoa"

She proceeded to empty about 2000 milliliters. Mom's eyes opened wide when she saw the first liter-and the sweet gal said, "Wilma, I'm not even done yet!" She charted the information and we all agreed that Mom should be awarded gold star.
When they checked her vitals a little later, her blood oxygen was only 85 so they put her back on oxygen. I read some emails to Mom, Pioneer Womans Blog and our devotional reading for the day.
I left about 3--I needed to get some groceries.Went to Sam's Club and lost my focus so ended up coming home with a bunch of stuff I hope I will eventually need.

When I came home, Sam had vacuumed the whole house--so no more dust bunnies (for now)

Zac, Amber, Olivia and Harrison came for dinner. Zac had made a pork roast so we had pork sandwiches, salad, chips. He had even baked a chocolate cake for dessert! Kent and Mark arrived about 7:30. It's good to eat together at least once a day.

Mark and Kent are heading up to the hospital this morning, hoping to be there when the doctors check on Mom. I have to go to the office and try to get something done before I go visit Mom.

Overall, she's doing well. Sitting up in the chair and taking a few steps is so draining for her--but necessary. Thankfully, she is comfortable enough with the pain meds to be able to rest and nap easily.

It's hard to believe this journey all began a week ago today.

I"ll be back

2011-03-27T22:22:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow.

About being a mom

2011-03-26T22:12:00.002-05:00

A little more than 24 hours after surgery, Kent, Mark and I sit in Mom's room.
We give her ice chips when she wants coffee and fried chicken. The big news is that she can chew gum if she wants to. Every time someone enters the room, she needs to recite her name and date of birth. It's the price to pay for pain or nausea relief .
And Mom tells my brothers, "The sheets are clean on the spare bed. You may need to find an extra quilt."
She may not be sure what day it is or realize that she has cancer. But will forever know how to care.

Not much new

2011-03-26T16:35:00.000-05:00

And for now, that is great news.
When I arrived PT had Mom sitting in a chair and trying to take a few steps. At times she is confused, but knows that she's confused, so we just figure things out together.
Kent, Mark and I are taking turns sitting with her. It seems too much conversation makes gets her mixed up. We closed the drapes and shut off the TV and left her alone to nap for awhile.
I don't think I've ever spent this much time in a hospital. Many others have not been nearly so fortunate.

Travelers

2011-03-26T08:31:00.000-05:00

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you. Genesis 28: 15

God spoke these words to Jacob in his dream when he saw the stairway to heaven. The occasion for this dream was Jacob's flight from home because his brother Esau had vowed to kill him for deceiving their father Isaac and stealing Esau's blessing. Even in all his failings, God demonstrated unconditional love by promising His presence, protection and provision.

This is a portion of the devotion Mom and I read last night. She dozed off and on as I read a few other selections from the book--we have fallen behind in our readings. But I kept coming back to that verse--a promise that can never be broken. Even when we are lost in our own confusion, grief and suffering.

As the afternoon progressed, Mom began to feel a little better and even smiled when we read some cards and notes. She is somewhat confused--but the nurses feel she is doing well.

The surgeon came and talked to Mom and told her what she found during the surgery. I'm not sure if Mom will remember or not as she is taking a lot of medication. When she left, Mom went back to resting and didn't bring the subject up again.

The drive home is a good time for me to begin to process the day's events and re-enter the real world. Where there is nothing to eat and laundry to do. Everything has happened so fast, I really haven't had time to keep up here at home. I made us an omelet and toast-a favorite quick and comforting meal. This morning I am up early and getting the laundry done and house picked up. Going to put something in the crock pot before I leave for the hospital.

This is my prayer for the day taken from the devotional:

Lord Jesus, our travels seem insignificant compared to your travels from heaven above to earth below. Thank you for making the journey for us and for our salvation. Watch over us when we travel and encourage us in the knowledge that you go with us. Amen

Verse 3

2011-03-25T16:17:00.001-05:00

Help me then, in every tribulation,
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation,
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father's hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till with Christ the Lord I stand.

Mom is out of surgery and back in her room. Sam is here with me--he arrived only moments before the doctor came out to talk to me. Again..Timing.

Mom did very well in surgery. They were able to do much of it with cameras and the largest incision is about 3 inches. The tumor and section of colon were removed and there were no complications with heart, lungs bleeding etc.

This is very hard to do, but the rest of the news is not good. When the doctor opened her up, she physically observed an extensive amount of cancer in her abdomen and liver. It appears to be adenocarcinoma.

Sam and I talked briefly to the oncologist who was at her room when we came up from surgery. The focus right now is to get her recovered from surgery and perhaps schedule a visit with him in a month to 6 weeks.

Mom is not comfortable right now--so pray for relief from the nausea. They are trying a second medication but she is completely miserable.

. I wish I could talk to everyone in person. Your prayers and words of encouragement are holding me up right now.